Guess Whose Back in the Muthafuckin House...

So… I've not done this in a really long time… I feel like a virgin all over again… I feel like there's so much to say….

1. The last time I wrote was Thanksgiving… I ended up going to Thanksgiving with my ex of sorts… and it wasn't a good time to say the very least… aside from getting the cold shoulder from his then new "boyfriend" I was also touted as a home wrecker by other guest in attendance… nonetheless, he broke up with the "boyfriend" immediately after Thanksgiving… and it's been a rollercoaster ride of sorts as we have tried to navigate and define our relationship in terms of being friends…

2. I moved into a new place… in Harlem… that I really love... I think that having a backyard will greatly enhance my quality of life here in NY…

3. I'm dating… on a serious kind of tip right now… I think it can be a good look for me…

4. Speaking of a new look… I have decided to let my hair grow out some and my summer sexy is in full effect, as I have been hitting the gym like a mad man…

5. I was recently invited to join my first board here in NY and I'm really excited about that…

On the inquisitive side of things…

1. How do we feel about herpes?

2. Can someone tell me the relevance of certain reality shows? I have sat in front of the TV and asked myself what's the point of watching this boring shit.

3. If you are top and your bottom has a bigger "candy man" (that's what my mother called it when I was a child) than you, how does that make you feel? Should you get over it or is it a deal breaker?

4. Is it trashy to have a hickey?

5. I was invited into a threesome… any tips?

6. I feel that masturbation at the gym runs rampant… in the shower... In the steam room… what do you do, join in?

7. There's this movie out called "The New Twenty." It proclaims that "friends are the new family." I love that concept.

8. Leanita McClain….

9. I want to pick up a cause that's center in some way in the black gay community, but my experiences in the past having really been all that positive…

10. Can I get rid of all my clothes and start over???

My Real Life Noah's Arc Episode

Like so many of us, I went out to support the Noah’s Arc movie. Although I have always looked at the show from a very critical vantage point, I still felt some obligation to go out and support. I can’t really say that I thought it was all that great of a movie as I found there to be a number of things that I saw flawed in the film. Many folks love the series and the movies because they say they see themselves in the characters – I for one have never felt that way. So it strikes me as odd that my life at the moment feels like an edited scene from Noah’s Arc.

So after me and my homie lover friend ended whatever it was we had, we decided to be friends. When he broke up with his boyfriend I was there to lend a shoulder and a hand. I would be a liar if I said the possibility of us being in a relationship didn't pop up in my head from time to time. Yet, I had met someone great that I was/am getting to know and he needed time to deal with ending a four year relationship. We would joke about him dating and so on, but it was all in jest and neither of us were really seeing anyone seriously at the moment. Last week we spoke and he was telling me about a guy that he was kind of interested in. I told him he should try it out. Though I found out last night that they been out on a date before he decided to bring him up to me. So today he invited me to have dinner with him and the guy. I feel like shit. Because out of know where all these feelings have come flooding in. Now the question is why wasn't I good enough? I am jealous. I am envious. I am hurt. I feel unwanted, undesired and relegated on to the ranks of a friend not good enough to exist with.

I'm trying to figure out what this all means. Am I in love with this Negro? Damn. I definitely need to work through my emotions. I think that I'm going to go to dinner. Look amazing. Bake a wonderful desert. Be my charming smart self and keep it moving. Let's pray that I don't fall to pieces, cry, cuss anybody out or fight.

At the end of the movie Ricky reveals to Noah that he loves him and he can't understand why Noah can't love him the way that he loves Wade. The resolution - Noah and Wade get married and everyone is happy. Only tomorrow will tell how this one all pans out.

Just Because...

1. So I went to this party an amazing penthouse apartment with views of the city. It was beautifully maintained and the party was really well organized – there was a bartender, the food was catered and the crowd was beautiful. The thing that bothered me though, was it seemed as if nobody was having a good time. Everyone seemed to be too absorbed by their new Gucci loafers or their Alexander McQueen scarf turned ascot. After 15 minutes I was bored and ready to depart. I needed a little something more – something more festive. Am I asking for too much?

2. Do we do sex parties? Is there protocol?

3. I’m going to see the Noah’s Arc movie this weekend, but isn’t the DL Chronicles like a million times better?

4. I thought Miracle at St. Ana was an amazing movie. In fact, I think I’m going to do a throwback look and rock a part like Laz Alonzo.

5. I love Thelma Golden!

6. I joined a book club and the focus right now is James Baldwin.

7. I kind of love the Housewives of Atlanta. It’s such a guilty pleasure.

8. A friend of mine is moving to Atlanta in high hopes of taking the city by storm. He thinks that his NY swagger will have Atlantans dazed and confused. I’m not sure if he knows what he’s getting himself into. Is Atlanta overrated?

9. Author and I used that really loosely, Zane, has a series on cinemax entitle Sex Chronicles, also the title of a series of her best selling books. I watched the first two episodes this past weekend and was under whelmed. The script was cheesy and the sex scenes were whack as hell. It’s really disheartening because black erotica on cable is almost unheard of, the fact that it fails to at the very least be hot is very disappointing. I don’t want to see titties flapping for 30 minutes or listen to the cheesy porn-like music.

10. I lost my blackberry last week. Other than losing numbers I may never get again, I realized that there were a number of not so appropriate pictures that were stored in my phone. I’m just going to shake my head.

11. My birthday is next week. I’ve had a recent obsession with nudity, and I am considering doing some semi-nude pictures for my birthday. I’m not sure if I’m beach body ready though? In fact, I’m not, but I am still excited by the whole idea of it.

12. I’m moving to Brooklyn.

13. I feel a little bit out of touch with all the economic stuff that’s happening right now. I have not felt any changes.

14. When I return to law school I have decided to do a joint program – getting a JD and a PhD. Call me Dr.

15. Happy Birthday Scorpios!