Just Because...

1. So there is a rap group from Brooklyn, no less, called Thug Slaughter Force whose claim to fame is there disavowal to men wearing tight clothes, as it promotes homosexuality. There first track is dubbed “no tight clothes.” These brothers really got it fucked up, No Homo… lol… check them out if you dare…. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pABR7CoM5uA

2. So I attended New Fest the other weekend, New York’s LGBT Film Festival and saw “Ebony Chunky Love, Bitch Can’t Get a Date.” I thought that I would get some insight into the struggles that face black gay men as it relates to body image, but what I ended up getting was a story of a black man hurt and looking for acceptance from white gay men. I was not impressed.

3. Did you know that Soul Train was recently sold to MadVision, and that we should look for an updated version of the show late this year? Some things are better left as they are, right?

4. A friend disclosed to me that she never had an orgasm… Wow…

5. Please cop the July issue of GQ. The spread of Pharrell is great. I’ve always thought he was hot… but got damn… he gets better with age.

6. Speaking of publications… Italian Vogue is dedicating is July issue to black models… the entire magazine… It’s a most have.

7. Don Imus is at it again…

8. I was listening to Betty Wright’s, “Tonight is the Night.” She asks the audience to think back to their “very first time.” How was your “very first time?”
9. More than one-third — 36 percent — of New York City men who have sex with other men and have had five or more sex partners within the past year do not consistently use condoms. Is this surprising news?

10. So I took the interns out for lunch today…. It really made me feel grown manish…

Love, Heart Ache, Broiled Eel and Chaka Khan

So last Friday I took advantage of "Summer Fridays," the period between Memorial Day and Labor Day, where those in fashion or fashion related industries either work only half day or not at all on Friday. I love it. It may be one of the best perks. My homie lover friend had informed me earlier in the week that he wanted to take me out for a really special dinner. All I had to do was show up. I slept until noon, got a fresh cut and paired my fresh and rested face with a light weight slate grey summer suit, a casual, but crisp, white button down, chucks and a driving cap. I met him in Soho for dinner at Woo Lae Oak - an amazing Korean restaurant. He took the liberty of order for us. We started with Jang Au Gui; broiled eel in a sweet Soy Sauce. The presentation was great, as the ell was served on hot river stones which rested on a bed of sea salt. We followed that up with Korean Barbeque… we choose the salmon and the sea scallops. Each table is equipped with a smokeless grill - so we were responsible for grilling the salmon and sea scallops. They were seasoned to perfection. We added a couple of more dishes to our dinner and ended it by ordering three deserts - tropical snow, a green apple sorbet and a caramelized pear. It was one of the best dates I have had.

Let's fast forward to this Friday, where things have dramatically changed. Although we have spent everyday together since Sunday and they have been great day, emotional, but great, I have arrived at the place where I am no longer interested in being with someone that can't be with me in totality. I can't believe I wrote it… lol. As incredible as he is, I have to remove myself from what I feel to be is an unhealthy relationship. Maybe we just had bad timing. Maybe I needed him to show me what I really want from someone. Maybe you can have more than one soul mate. I'm not going to make some dramatic departure. We bought advance tickets to see films on Saturday and Sunday that are apart of New Fest, New York's LGBT Film Festival. After that I will slowly push back, maybe start dating again and throw myself into a few projects. This situation has allowed me to make some good decisions. Finally telling some of my close friends that I was gay, and finally deciding that the time is now for me to have that conversation with my parents. He is all about music and he exposed me a Chaka Khan song that plays on repeat in my ipod and it sums it all up:

You know it hurts me

When I can't be next to you

And though we're young I know

You feel the same way, too

Deep in our hearts we know

It's just a matter of time

'Cause we'll be together one day

And when we met

Out on the streets along the way

It wasn't by chance that we

Were passing by that day

As sure as there's a moon

And stars above I know

We'll be together for sure

As sure as that nose on your face

We were meant for each other's arms

Just as one and one make two

You were made for me

I was made for you (boy)

Don't try to hide that smile

I know that's on your face

And when you stare (look) at me

I'll look the other way

And we won't give away

What we know from the start

That we've got that love in our hearts

Deep in our hearts

In our hearts we've got that love

In our hearts we've got that love

In our hearts we've got that love

Oh deep down in our hearts

We've got that love

Oh we're very into lovin', yeah

Oh that love in our hearts

We've got that love in our hearts

Oh baby, we've got that love

A Mess

Okay… I don’t like to get too personal on here… but… I just need to write this out… I feel like my life has gotten exceedingly complicated as of late at no fault of my own. So I've been dating this guy since November - my homie-lover-friend. He's great. He's smart. He's funny. He has great friends. He's mature. He's a great communicator. And he's beautiful. I've met his sister and spent Mother's Day with him and his mother. She's from the South, so we connect on so many levels about things he just doesn't get. The issue is that he has a boyfriend that lives out of state. I knew this going into the situation - but I didn't give it much thought - I was dating - we would cross that bridge once we reached it. Needless to say, we have arrived at the bridge. I think that I may really be falling in love with him. That's huge for me. He thinks that I'm not emotionally vested in our "situation" which is partly true, as I am afraid to completely emotionally vulnerable with someone that's not 100% available to me. One of my friends chastises me for even being in this situation, while another feels that I should go with my raw emotion and stop having to be in control. In part, I think that because we are men in a traditional sense, it's hard for either of us to relinquish that. He thinks that I should cook and be in his face every minute. Yet, my vantage point is that my career, getting a JD, community service and my social calendar are important - and sitting around making meatloaf and mashed potatoes isn't what I need to be doing right now. Do I just submit? What should I do?

So to complicate all of this, an ex turned friend is spending a few weeks with me, as he has taken a summer position here in New York. A few weeks are actually six. I let my homie-lover friend know - I left out the part that it's an ex - and he wasn't happy about the amount of time I would have this young man in my space. The ex and I have a long past and both of our emotions run deep. We made a pact to get married at 30 if we were both single. I don't want to turn to him out of some kind of need, but I feel it may be possible. How do I avoid this from happening?