Guess Whose Back in the Muthafuckin House...

So… I've not done this in a really long time… I feel like a virgin all over again… I feel like there's so much to say….

1. The last time I wrote was Thanksgiving… I ended up going to Thanksgiving with my ex of sorts… and it wasn't a good time to say the very least… aside from getting the cold shoulder from his then new "boyfriend" I was also touted as a home wrecker by other guest in attendance… nonetheless, he broke up with the "boyfriend" immediately after Thanksgiving… and it's been a rollercoaster ride of sorts as we have tried to navigate and define our relationship in terms of being friends…

2. I moved into a new place… in Harlem… that I really love... I think that having a backyard will greatly enhance my quality of life here in NY…

3. I'm dating… on a serious kind of tip right now… I think it can be a good look for me…

4. Speaking of a new look… I have decided to let my hair grow out some and my summer sexy is in full effect, as I have been hitting the gym like a mad man…

5. I was recently invited to join my first board here in NY and I'm really excited about that…

On the inquisitive side of things…

1. How do we feel about herpes?

2. Can someone tell me the relevance of certain reality shows? I have sat in front of the TV and asked myself what's the point of watching this boring shit.

3. If you are top and your bottom has a bigger "candy man" (that's what my mother called it when I was a child) than you, how does that make you feel? Should you get over it or is it a deal breaker?

4. Is it trashy to have a hickey?

5. I was invited into a threesome… any tips?

6. I feel that masturbation at the gym runs rampant… in the shower... In the steam room… what do you do, join in?

7. There's this movie out called "The New Twenty." It proclaims that "friends are the new family." I love that concept.

8. Leanita McClain….

9. I want to pick up a cause that's center in some way in the black gay community, but my experiences in the past having really been all that positive…

10. Can I get rid of all my clothes and start over???

My Real Life Noah's Arc Episode

Like so many of us, I went out to support the Noah’s Arc movie. Although I have always looked at the show from a very critical vantage point, I still felt some obligation to go out and support. I can’t really say that I thought it was all that great of a movie as I found there to be a number of things that I saw flawed in the film. Many folks love the series and the movies because they say they see themselves in the characters – I for one have never felt that way. So it strikes me as odd that my life at the moment feels like an edited scene from Noah’s Arc.

So after me and my homie lover friend ended whatever it was we had, we decided to be friends. When he broke up with his boyfriend I was there to lend a shoulder and a hand. I would be a liar if I said the possibility of us being in a relationship didn't pop up in my head from time to time. Yet, I had met someone great that I was/am getting to know and he needed time to deal with ending a four year relationship. We would joke about him dating and so on, but it was all in jest and neither of us were really seeing anyone seriously at the moment. Last week we spoke and he was telling me about a guy that he was kind of interested in. I told him he should try it out. Though I found out last night that they been out on a date before he decided to bring him up to me. So today he invited me to have dinner with him and the guy. I feel like shit. Because out of know where all these feelings have come flooding in. Now the question is why wasn't I good enough? I am jealous. I am envious. I am hurt. I feel unwanted, undesired and relegated on to the ranks of a friend not good enough to exist with.

I'm trying to figure out what this all means. Am I in love with this Negro? Damn. I definitely need to work through my emotions. I think that I'm going to go to dinner. Look amazing. Bake a wonderful desert. Be my charming smart self and keep it moving. Let's pray that I don't fall to pieces, cry, cuss anybody out or fight.

At the end of the movie Ricky reveals to Noah that he loves him and he can't understand why Noah can't love him the way that he loves Wade. The resolution - Noah and Wade get married and everyone is happy. Only tomorrow will tell how this one all pans out.

Just Because...

1. So I went to this party an amazing penthouse apartment with views of the city. It was beautifully maintained and the party was really well organized – there was a bartender, the food was catered and the crowd was beautiful. The thing that bothered me though, was it seemed as if nobody was having a good time. Everyone seemed to be too absorbed by their new Gucci loafers or their Alexander McQueen scarf turned ascot. After 15 minutes I was bored and ready to depart. I needed a little something more – something more festive. Am I asking for too much?

2. Do we do sex parties? Is there protocol?

3. I’m going to see the Noah’s Arc movie this weekend, but isn’t the DL Chronicles like a million times better?

4. I thought Miracle at St. Ana was an amazing movie. In fact, I think I’m going to do a throwback look and rock a part like Laz Alonzo.

5. I love Thelma Golden!

6. I joined a book club and the focus right now is James Baldwin.

7. I kind of love the Housewives of Atlanta. It’s such a guilty pleasure.

8. A friend of mine is moving to Atlanta in high hopes of taking the city by storm. He thinks that his NY swagger will have Atlantans dazed and confused. I’m not sure if he knows what he’s getting himself into. Is Atlanta overrated?

9. Author and I used that really loosely, Zane, has a series on cinemax entitle Sex Chronicles, also the title of a series of her best selling books. I watched the first two episodes this past weekend and was under whelmed. The script was cheesy and the sex scenes were whack as hell. It’s really disheartening because black erotica on cable is almost unheard of, the fact that it fails to at the very least be hot is very disappointing. I don’t want to see titties flapping for 30 minutes or listen to the cheesy porn-like music.

10. I lost my blackberry last week. Other than losing numbers I may never get again, I realized that there were a number of not so appropriate pictures that were stored in my phone. I’m just going to shake my head.

11. My birthday is next week. I’ve had a recent obsession with nudity, and I am considering doing some semi-nude pictures for my birthday. I’m not sure if I’m beach body ready though? In fact, I’m not, but I am still excited by the whole idea of it.

12. I’m moving to Brooklyn.

13. I feel a little bit out of touch with all the economic stuff that’s happening right now. I have not felt any changes.

14. When I return to law school I have decided to do a joint program – getting a JD and a PhD. Call me Dr.

15. Happy Birthday Scorpios!

Wonder...

"Janie had spent most of the day under a blossoming pear tree in the back-yard. She had been spending every minute that she could steal from her chores under that tree for the last three days. That was to say, ever since the first tiny bloom had opened. It had called her to come and gaze on a mystery. From barren brown stems to glistening leaf-buds; from the leaf-buds to snowy virginity of bloom. It stirred her tremendously. How? Why? It was like a flute song forgotten in another existence and remembered again. What? How? Why? This singing she heard that had nothing to do with her ears. The rose of the world was breathing out smell. It followed her through all her waking moments and caressed her in her sleep. It connected itself with other vaguely felt matters that had struck her outside observation and buried themselves in her flesh. Now they emerged and quested about her consciousness."

This is pretty damn close to what/how I've been feeling this past week or so. Since my "break-up" it's really been about getting back out there on the dating scene. I didn't want to spend days and days rehashing the events of the break-up over and over again. What was the point? As a result, I began to engage a few guys I had met along the way. They were all pretty different. They ranged in age from 22-32. From student to self employed. From feminine to masculine. I had my bases covered. I scheduled dates here and there… bowling… dinner… the park… a concert. It was fun. They were great guys, but I questioned how far we could go. Still I entertained and enjoyed the ride, when out of left field this kind of amazing dude presents himself. He's dope. He presented himself from a friend perspective, which I could so vibe with, but the more we talked the more I wondered into territories that expanded beyond friendship.

The homie-lover-friend called the other day. His boyfriend broke up with him. I listened and let him know I was "sorry." I thought I would get sucked back in… but all I could think about was picking up my conversation with this dude. I regard him with wonder.

Why Emil Wilbekin won't be on the "Do Right Man" List

In recent years I have grown weary of the diluted content in most magazines, especially those that specifically target the African American population. This weekend I happened to pick up a copy of Essence while waiting for my homegirl to get ready for dinner out in the city. It was the "Do Right Men" issue. It profiled black men that are on point in all aspects of their lives. They have it together professionally, they give back to their communities and they are all single (there is a section for married men) and attractive. Why not call it "Straight, Single, Sexy Black Men?" I did mention that all the men were straight, right? I thought for a second that I was maybe being a taste too sensitive, yet upon further evaluation I thought nay. This is Essence that we are talking about here - the magazine that went on a witch hunt, deeming that sisters should be leery because their men could be on the down low. The message that is promoted here is that you can not be a good brother if you fall into certain categories - gay and or unattractive men need not apply - at least that's the underlying implication in my mind. I know the old saying “that all the good ones are gay," which is not true, but when the focus is placed on orientation it almost negates his "goodness." It forces me to call a number of things into question. As black women sound the battle cry that there are no good men - I scream back “Yes, there are, they just may not look like the ones featured in Essence." And really what black women are saying when they say "that all the good ones are gay" is he looks good on paper and that's what I want. The interest isn't on the MTA worker that may in fact be a really good brother. Articles like this are a disservice to black women. It cause them to become entrenched in this Hollywood constructed idea of what you should aspire to have. It also proves to be a disservice to black men, as this "salute" creates a chasm - that "good" is only equated by certain qualities. I guess we shouldn't hold our breath in anticipation for a list that would include Emil Wilbekin or Keith Boykin.

Ne me quitte pas

I rose early today. It’s the first morning of solitude that I’ve had in seven week after turning my apartment into a hostel it seems. My friend and former ex was my lodge mate for almost two months. I can’t really say that it was a bad experience. We have often that we would bite the bullet and get married if we both were still single at 30. Having share this time in my too small overpriced New York apartment, I don’t think it would be all that bad. We would stay up late nights and talk about everything from Jenifer Hudson (neither of us are fans) to politics to the cute boy behind the deli case at Whole Foods often times over strawberries dipped in sour cream and brown sugar or a bubbling bowl of cheese queso and chips. It was cool. As I looked out into the streets, the overcast sky with the infinite possibility of rain, Nina softly purring Ne me quitte pas and bustle of people scurrying to the train and into taxis the thought of companionship rest heavy on my soul.

Things had been strange. My friend departed and my homie-lover-friend returned from his trip to visit his boyfriend. While he was away, our conversations had been brief but really intense. He told me how much he missed me. I missed him too. There would be moments in the middle of the night where I would want to call. There would be moments where I would run into someone that smelled like him, shared his funny blue/grey eyes or someone that had the same stride of swagger and confidence that accompanies each of his steps. Damn. Pride. Respect. Fear. All held me hostage unable to dial those ten digits.

I went of a little date of sorts on Saturday – cocktails. I followed in up with an invitation to a dinner party on Sunday. I wanted let him know that he fucked me up. That I can’t even begin to imagine my life with someone that doesn’t embodied the qualities that he possesses despite a cute face, fat ass, personality and 401k.

When he got in last night I headed over. Sweats, a t-shirt, a fitted – I was posturing. I wanted him to think that I didn’t care. I should never play poker, because as soon as I saw him the façade melted away. We talked. I didn’t want to ask too many questions. Did you break up with him? I wanted to know, but I was afraid of the answer. He asked me about our relationship and how I defined us to other people. I took the safe route and said friends with possibilities, when in my heart you are my lover, my confidant, advisor, teacher, friend and homeboy. I wanted to lay with him all night. He was nervous. I guess that meant no break-up. I wondered home around 1 – a homeless lover in search of a fix. I wasn’t sure what to feel. I texted the guy from Saturday. He responded with “what you trying to do this late.” My reply was “trying to see you.” It wasn’t truth but I need to purge my pain. What better way than slick skin pressed against each other, warm breath against necks and being inside a place that warm and safe if only for one night. Somewhere between texting and caressing my pillow, I fell asleep. The universe knows what’s right. I checked my phone and his last text asked if I was coming by or not. I responded with an apology this morning – I didn’t want to complicate his life with my shit.

The homie-lover-friend phone this morning to see if I was ok. I told him I needed companionship. He thought he was providing it for me. He is. But at the end of the day I go home alone. I don’t want that. Nor do I want to be a wet memory in between the sheets. I’m going to leave the office early today. We’re going to catch a movie. Maybe I’ll make dinner. Is this situation better than being with someone like the guy on Saturday? Who know anymore?

It’s starting to rain. I want to go out into it and let it wash me like a baptismal spray - washing away the insecurities and the unsure-ness that surround all of this. I don’t want him to leave, but I want all of him.

Damn that Nina Simone.

Studio Museum of Harlem, Dior, Love and Anthony David

Last night I had the opportunity to attend the opening of Kehinde Wiley's The World Stage: Africa, Lagos ~ Dakar, his first solo exhibition at The Studio Museum in Harlem which features ten new paintings from his multinational “The World Stage” series. It's amazing. I'm a huge fan of both Wiley and The Studio Museum of Harlem; the openings for new exhibitions are always something I look forward to. The openings usually draw an eclectic mix of folks - smart, hip, fashionable and trendsetters in their own regard and last night was no exception. The coupling of all this artistic energy and a few cocktails had me in bliss.

I have to talk about my purchase of the month for a second. I found a vintage Christian Dior track jacket this weekend. It's in great condition and a bought it for a steal. It doesn't get much better than that.

Moving on, I must admit that things are going really well with the homie-lover-friend. He's really an amazing man. I have never met anyone else like him. I've always said that my barometer for determining whether a relationship is worth it is "does he make me want to be a better man?" In this case - hell emphatically yes! We've been spending a lot of really good quality time together and merging our business interest as well. It seems to just flow. It may sound really strange, but he's taught me (still a work in progress because I have my moments) how to really love from an unconditional vantage point that's void of insecurity and ego. This means that I'm not seeking anything back in return. In this, his having a boyfriend has less of an affect on how I am able to be in this relationship because I love without the condition that he has to break up with his boyfriend. I know some folk may not be able to feel that, but that's where I am right now. I am also not going to block myself from anything else that may come along at this point. We will have to see how it all falls into place, though the homie-lover-friend has been doing a lot of talk about us settling in Atlanta.

I have officially decided that will not be returning to law school in the fall. I need to really figure out how this works into my life and things that I would like to do. I should probably be in film school or something that really feeds my creative energy. Whatever the case may be, I am in anticipation for greatness.

Lastly, I have had the Anthony David song "Words" on repeat for the last week. Check it out the lyrics really ring true.

Just Because...

1. As an adult, whenever I am visiting friends in another city, I always make a hotel reservation. This allows for my personal independence and space, but it also prevents my friends from having to adjust their lives too much. That said, a couple of friends came into town the other weekend, I informed them that I already had a house guest, but they insisted on crashing at my place. They let me know that it was fine if they "slept on the floor." I was not ok with this, so I insisted they make some sort of reservation elsewhere. It created a tense tone for the weekend. Yet, isn't my personal level of comfort important. This isn't undergrad spring break in Cancun where eight of us crammed into one room. Was I too harsh?

2. I don't really feel that I had any barbeque on the 4th, as I spent the entire time on the grill.

3. I planned a breakfast date for Thursday morning with the homie lover friend.

4. So two weekends ago I engaged in the New York Pride festivities. Actually, I went to parties all weekend - no parade and all of that. On Saturday, at the Atlanta invades New York party, a young man from the adult film industry approached me (he's one of my favorites) to compliment me on my look and to ask for my number. I obliged and took his as well. I have no intention of using it, though I will say that it did do something for my ego to have him approach me. Could I date a porn star?

5. My friends flaked on Martha's Vineyard for the 4th of July holiday.

6. Didn't the whole R. Kelly thing blow over rather quickly and calmly?

7. Fantasia and Lena Horne share the same birthday. For some reason, there is something really odd about that to me.

8. I feel like Ebony missed some key men in there top 25 "cool edition." Who would you put on the list?

9. I am glad to see the William sister back at it. Between clothing lines and dating Common, I forgot that they even played tennis.

10. So to get my mind off of the homie lover friend, my friends introduced me to some nice and rather interesting guys this past weekend. Perhaps I will go on a date with one of them and see what happens.

11. I went to a house party on Saturday and this great brownstone in Harlem. It always makes me feel warm inside to meet black gay couples being progressive.

Just Because...

1. So there is a rap group from Brooklyn, no less, called Thug Slaughter Force whose claim to fame is there disavowal to men wearing tight clothes, as it promotes homosexuality. There first track is dubbed “no tight clothes.” These brothers really got it fucked up, No Homo… lol… check them out if you dare…. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pABR7CoM5uA

2. So I attended New Fest the other weekend, New York’s LGBT Film Festival and saw “Ebony Chunky Love, Bitch Can’t Get a Date.” I thought that I would get some insight into the struggles that face black gay men as it relates to body image, but what I ended up getting was a story of a black man hurt and looking for acceptance from white gay men. I was not impressed.

3. Did you know that Soul Train was recently sold to MadVision, and that we should look for an updated version of the show late this year? Some things are better left as they are, right?

4. A friend disclosed to me that she never had an orgasm… Wow…

5. Please cop the July issue of GQ. The spread of Pharrell is great. I’ve always thought he was hot… but got damn… he gets better with age.

6. Speaking of publications… Italian Vogue is dedicating is July issue to black models… the entire magazine… It’s a most have.

7. Don Imus is at it again…

8. I was listening to Betty Wright’s, “Tonight is the Night.” She asks the audience to think back to their “very first time.” How was your “very first time?”
9. More than one-third — 36 percent — of New York City men who have sex with other men and have had five or more sex partners within the past year do not consistently use condoms. Is this surprising news?

10. So I took the interns out for lunch today…. It really made me feel grown manish…

Just Because...

1. So my homie-lover-friend and I took his homegirl out on a date this past Saturday. She just had a really bad break-up and we wanted to do something nice for her, so I got us tickets to see a play by written by an emerging playwright I really enjoy. Our homegirl teaches theatre, so I thought this would be perfect. I rarely proclaim anything to be amazing. Yet, Tracy Scott Wilson's latest play, The Good Negro is nothing short of it. The writing, the direction and the acting are all pitch perfect. I had my hesitations - a show about the Civil Rights Movement - yet Wilson brings forth a fresh perspective - exposing the tension of the Movement (under the watchful eye of the FBI) brought about by jealousy and alleged affairs in this drama that takes (not explicitly) Dr. King and the Movement to task. Wilson's intent is not malicious. What she does is show a balanced picture - a man who is torn between his duty, obligation and ambitions and his personal needs and desires. Wilson also explores the toll on which all of these things affects wife. There are a number of other sub-themes that help to masterfully construct this fine work. What the audience is left with is broader more human side of what movement was about, as well as some perspective on the government's "interest" in the Movement. It makes you wonder about the "governmental scrutiny" that our first viable Black candidate for president must be experiencing. Please check it out if you are in the city. It runs through June 1st at the Public Theatre.

http://www.publictheater.org/component/option,com_shows/task,view/Itemid,158/id,904

2. Sex in the City opens on Friday. My company is sending us to see it on Friday during lunch. I’m the only man. I would rather go home, than see the movie with a bunch of folks I don’t even care for. How gay is this?

3. I bought a g-shock watch recently. It’s called the “baby g.” During my trip home, my mother asked if “baby g” stood for “baby girl.” I gave her a blank look and burst with laughter. She not funny.

4. Speaking of being back at home, Atlanta wasn’t everything I needed it to be, and on top of everything, I got stood up by friends I really wanted to see. You know who you are. Lol.

5. I watched the DL Chronicles this weekend. I really enjoyed it. It’s so much better than Noah’s Arc.

6. The new Kehinde Wiley Exhibit (I want to marry him) opens at the Studio Museum of Harlem in July. I can’t wait. Wiley, known for his stylized paintings of urban African-American male youths in poses borrowed from eighteenth- and nineteenth-century European figurative paintings, continues that process, this time with models in poses based on regional sources – this time Nigeria and Senegal.

Just Because...

1. Have you ever noticed that in Missy's "Hot Boys" she says that she wants a "top boy?" So is Missy a bottom? Nah, vers… lol

2. So Barbara Walters likes black D; huh … Barbara Walters now says she had a past affair with married U.S. Senator Edward Brooke. Appearing on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" scheduled to air today, Walters shares details of her relationship with Brooke that lasted several years in the 1970s. In 1966 Edward Brooke's decisive Senate victory made him the first black elected to the Senate in the twentieth century.
3. I know it's not politically correct… but if I'm going to do porn, and by do, I mean watch, I prefer coco dorm circa 2003.

4. On Saturday, we were encouraged to engage in the blackout - spend no money - in protest of the Sean Bell verdict. Any news on how that went?

5. Someone mentioned to me that the only thing worse than no money is new money… at which I noted that America is only 231 year old… so all money… here in America… is new money…

6. I'm kind of surprised that the Keyshia Cole reality show is going to be on DVD.

7. How do we feel about men in sandals/flip flops?

8. So what is it about Nick Cannon?

9. Why do I feel bad about the Star Jones, Al Reynolds divorce?

10. I’m going to a housewarming on Saturday. He’s not registered, and I don’t want to show up with the standard “bottle.” Any suggestions?

No Homo

I have to give kudos to Morehouse Safe Space, a gay student group at Morehouse, for organizing activities aimed at increasing awareness of homophobia and heterosexism at Morehouse. Dubbed the "No More ‘No Homo’ Initiative," the weeklong campaign also seeks to eradicate one of the most commonly used epithets gay students encounter at the all-male college.

The initiative kicks off April 21 with the showing of "No Hetero," a documentary produced by three film students at neighboring Spelman College. The film uses the experiences of gay and lesbian students at Morehouse and Spelman to look at the broader issue of sexual orientation discrimination among African-Americans. On April 22, members of Morehouse Safe Space are scheduled to appear before the student senate and submit a resolution calling for more awareness of the plight of gay students at Morehouse. A panel discussion on homophobia at historically black colleges and universities is scheduled for April 23, while "National Day of Silence" activities are planned for April 24 and April 25. The week culminates April 26 with the James Baldwin Brunch, a coalition-building luncheon designed to link students with supportive administrators, faculty and activists

Just Because...

1. The security in my building has a problem with me. I greet them every morning upon entering the building only to get no reply…then they always give me the side eye… maybe it's the mohawk, the combination of bow tie, tux jacket, jeans and jordans that send them over the edge?

2. So I was out with a friend this week and we ran into the twin brother of someone he knew in the biblical sense. Since he's had the brother… hasn't he in theory, had the identical twin brother too?

3. So I'll be in Atlanta on May 16th… I am really excited.

4. I need a dime… that's top of the line … cute face, slim waist, with a big behind…

5. I teach a class once a week… A couple of my male students invited me for a drink after class, I obliged… after only one drink the conversation moved from their personal goals to how "E-Dubb" pullin all the hoes in the class (my female students) … OMG… I didn't know what to say… so I let the gentlemen know that "E-dubb" has professional integrity… and they should too…

6. My girlfriend from college is getting married… she wanted to know if I was jealous… "Of what," I asked… "That he got me and you didn't," she responded… "But I broke up with you.” I reminded her… did I miss something???

7. My book for the month of May is the Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao… corey is reading it too… great minds… lol… I'm almost done with Gentleman Jigger…

8. I think I have a little crush on my barista at starbucks… though… from the looks of things… the big "passion mark" as my mother terms them, on his neck this morning… he may just be taken…

9. I registered to take a photography class this summer… all I need now is a muse…

10. So I'm sponsoring a scholarship in my hometown… some of the applicants have hand-written their essays… is that ok?

Just Because...

1. I had the pleasure of attending the opening of “Flow" last week, the new exhibit at the Studio Museum of Harlem. The work is amazing - though the highlight of my evening was being mistaken for some artist currently working in Venice.

2. Do you ever look at lesbians and say to yourself, " I bet her strap on is huge," or inversely, "aww… I bet it's really small?"

3. Wasn't Menace II Society a little homoerotic?

4. I was listening to Betty Wright's "Tonight is the Night"… she asks the audience to "think back to their very first time"… and so… I thought about it … lol

5. I may be a little bit behind but has anyone been out to http://stuffeducatedblackpeoplelike.wordpress.com/
I think the fact that moving to Atlanta is number 17 is hilarious.

6. Have you been in a place where masturbation isn't enough?

7. I hate in when the person on the treadmill next to me wants to compete.

8. This chick said I was school boy sexy…???

9. So I'm going to an Estelle concert in a couple of weeks…

10. Big Boi is doing something with the Atlanta Ballet this weekend… should be interesting.

Hottentot or Not?

Anyone who knows anything about me knows that my version of Sunday bliss lies in a perfect cup of extra hot coffee, my favorite oversize hoodie and the Sunday New York Times. This past Sunday was extra blissful, as I slept until noon and indulged my taste buds with banana walnut pancakes. In rummaging through a pile of newspapers on my floor in search of this Sunday's New York Times, I ran across an article I had saved about Andre J – the colorful character that made waves by showing up on the cover of French Vogue. I re-read the article in hopes of debunking my previous thoughts. To some degree I blamed both the current issue of Vogue with Lebron James on the cover and the Kara Walker exhibit I had seen at the Whitney Museum where I viewed an installation that had an uncanny likeness to Saartjie Baartman, one of at least two Khoikhoi women that were exhibited as sideshow attractions in 19th century Europe under the name Hottentot Venus. Hottentot was the then current name for the Khoi people and Venus referred to works depicting the female form. My initial thought (about the Andre J. French Vogue cover) was exploitation – “oddities;” those operating outside established societal norms. Using history as a marker, “oddities” were often put on display for both entertainment and the promotion of superiority by those in positions of power. This type of exploitation is different from what we typically see nowadays, as African-Americans are now commodities for consumption by other African American – ala Flava of Love and “Who's Your Caddy” where the target audience is African-American. The fact that Vogue, especially French Vogue, is marketed towards a non-black audience caused me to question the intent. Was this some sort of return to a minstrel-like mindset (it never really left) – put an “oddity” on display for the enjoyment of some white folks? Rather than simply exclaiming this as exploitation, I wanted to examine what exploitation really means, and if the nature of exploitation has changed over the years. Can a person be exploited if they give their permission? Further, if the perpetrator of the exploitation is not aware that they are exploiting, is it still an offense? Have we become so consumed by the need to obtain “celebrity” that we are willing to compromise ourselves? This is by no means a critique on Andre J, but rather an examination of the process of exploitation.

Born in 1789, Baartman was a slave in Cape Town. It was here that she was “discovered” by British doctor William Dunlop, who persuaded her to travel with him to England. We'll never know what she had in mind as she boarded the ship - on her own free will, but it was clear what Dunlop had in mind; to display her as a “freak,” a “scientific curiosity” and make money from these shows – some of which he promised Baartman. Baartman had an unusually large buttocks and genitals, and in the early 1800's Europeans were arrogantly obsessed with their superiority, and with proving to others, particularly blacks, were inferior and oversexed. Baatman's physical characteristics, not uncommon for Khoisan woman, were “evidence” of this prejudice, and she was treated like a freak exhibited in London. She spent four years in London, and then moved to Paris where she continued her degrading round of shows and exhibitions. We will never know if Baartman was paid for her “services.” At any expense it couldn't have been enough. Once the Parisians got tired of the Baartman show, she was forced to turn to prostitution. She didn't last the ravages of a foreign culture and climate or the further abuse of her body. She died in 1815 at the age of 25.

Insert Andre J.

Andre J. was born in 1979 as Andre Johnson in the Academy Spires housing projects in Newark New Jersey. He was “discovered” in the summer of 2007 by Joe McKenna a celebrated stylist. Prior to being discovered by McKenna, Andre J. had appeared three times on the Jay Leno in cameo segments devoted to “human curiosities.” He found himself in Los Angeles for what he deemed as “sex and fame.” Andre J. doesn't consider his style to be drag nor does he consider himself to be “trans-” anything. He is “just expressing [himself] not hurting anyone and taking [himself] to a place where [he] wants to be, a place where the world is beautiful.” Maybe it's a stretch, but I definitely see similarities between Saartjie Baartman and Andre J. The question then becomes whether this is exploitation or not? Baartman and Andre J. both operated out of there own free will. Baartman accepting the invitation of Dunlop and Andre J. accepting the invitation from McKenna. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that, and I am paraphrasing, “Nobody can oppress you without your permission.” So were they merely willing participates seeking out some sort of means to an end, with the price of exploitation, in their eyes, not being too high for them to take part in it? If this is in fact the case, can we blame them? What about young women that strip to pay their way through college? Is this not on par? Better still, you have two individuals that were/are merely being themselves and existing as they see fit. So, in their existing, considered a discovery by some, it becomes okay the allow others to take interest in what Baartman and Andre J. deem as “regular” and what others view as unique. Let's use break dancing as an example. When kids were breaking in the Bronx during the late 70's and early 80's they were doing it as an artistic expression of themselves. The intent was not for this to become a phenomenon that would eventually reach Japan. They were existing – there was no ulterior motive. I'm not sure if I can say that this is the case with Baartman and Andre J. It seems that in some way they wanted to capitalize on their “uniqueness.” So I then have to question the role of the magazine publisher. Did French Vogue see this as a political statement - a magazine completely open, inviting their reading audience to share in their openness to someone who is different – a black bearded man in a dress? Perhaps the message lies in the fact that both gender and sexuality are lucid, and we need to be a re-examine what these terms mean? Or could simple exploitation be the culprit, and that both parties played an equal part? I support a person's right not to be forced to identify themselves as this, that or the other, yet I can't help but to think of how much more revolutionary his appearance on the cover of French Vogue would be, had that been the case. I think that then, and perhaps, only then would I consider this to be more than an attempt to expand one's career, at perhaps, any cost. What do you think?

Just Because...

1. My “homey-lover-friend” coaxed me into watching a Tyler Perry play last night – Diary of a Mad Black Woman. That was a first and a last for me. I thought that the movies were bad – but damn, the movies are infinitely better than the plays. I was a little disturbed when he asked her to bark like a dog. Is Tyler Perry secretly a misogynist?

2. I started reading Gentleman Jigger by Bruce Nugent the other day. I think that it is a must read. It is discussed in the introduction that he liked “rough trade.” Can you imagine what that was like during the 1920’s and 1930’s? I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same.

3. Perhaps I am too involved in the election, but I am too tired of Hillary Clinton wearing this canary yellow suit with black accents. When you wear a color like canary yellow it should be a piece that you don’t wear too often. It stands out and people remember it. Can we get Max Mara, Vivienne Westwood or Chanel to send her a few suits? Hell, can someone take her to Ann Taylor Loft at Atlantic Station? Gary?

4. It is official. I am an elitist, and I am ok with it.

5. I need a trip to Atlanta – brunch at Murphy’s or Thumb’s Up. Dinner at Watershed or Bacchanalia. A facial and massage at Key Lime Pie. A little shopping. A little tea at Urban Tea Party. Catching up with old friends. O, how I miss Atlanta sometimes.

Just Because...

1. Do people really think it's ok to not cover their mouths when coughing simply because they are not inside?
2. For some reason I think that Mario is packing.
3. I don't like the fact the Angela Bassett is in that Tyler Perry movie.
4. Recently, T.I.'s You Don't Know Me has been running throught my mind. Do I have some issues?
5. I'm not sure how I feel about India Arie starring in the revivial of For Colored Girls…which hits Broadway this summer.
6. Why don't black gays buy black gay publications the way that white gays buy white gay publications.
7. 1 and 4 teenage girls has an STD. Wow!
8. Cancun or Miami?
9. I think I'm going to take in to the DR.
10. Are red lace-ups too much?

My Favorite Things

Oprah's yearly favorite things show was the other day. This is always a must see for me… I loved the one were she proclaims "You get a car, you get a car, you get a car… to all members of the audience. So in homage to the Big O, and in boredom I decided to compose my list of favorite things:

1. Jo Malone Grapefruit Cologne - It’s a unisex fragrance that's clean and classic. It can be mixed to best suit your body chemistry.
2. Cakebead Cellars makes my favorite Sauvignon Blanc and it's affordable… $22
3. James Baldwin books. I have read number his books. I am reading one of his screen plays now. His writing is so honest and pure. The lessons he teaches are universal.
4. The Breitling Watch… in a word… classic.
5. Cashmere Socks.
6. Art by Romare Bearden. I had anticipated purchasing my first real piece of art this year for my birthday, but it's a must have for me next year.
7. The Studio Museum of Harlem. Contemporary and Classic. A membership is a must have.
8. Ne Me Quitte Pas - Nina Simone. I have a number of her cd's but I want the definitive collection.
9. The Bose wave music system. It affords me the opportunity to listen to Nina with complete clarity.
10. Jordans.
11. Burberry Trench.
12. Jersey Bed Sheets.
13. The Foley House Inn - Black Owned Savannah Bed and Breakfast
14. The Sunday New York Times.
15. Good U.S. Open Tickets
16. Well tailored Thom Browne Suit
17. Starbucks
18. Mulberry bag
19. Gucci Aviators
20. LV overnight bag
21. Chucks
22. Acapulco Candle by NARS

Grown Man Shit

It's has become ever apparent that the social definition of Grown and Sexy, and my working definition are not the same. With this being the case I decided to create a list of my own Grown Man Shit:

1. I always tip appropriately; you never know when you may want to come back.

2. I ain’t saying you got to get a manicure every week – but dirty nails are not where it’s at. Good grooming is a must.

3. I find out the bartender's name and hook him up early, it makes getting a drink a hell of a lot easier and beats having to yell, "What up wit my Hennessy, yo."

4. I'm not dropping a bill or more every weekend for the club. That hundred or so dollars could go into my Ameritrade account, Roth IRA or my interest yielding saving account. A big part of being grown and sexy is the assurance that comes in knowing you'll be more than ok on a rainy day.

5. I don't wear sunglasses on the inside. Are you Lindsey Lohan or somebody? The paparazzi are not after yo ass. Take off the sunglasses, it looks stupid and defeats the purpose - “sun”glasses.

6. I give back with both my money and my time. Next year, instead of just walking in the AIDS Walk, raise some money or volunteer at an AIDS Service Organization. I give money to my alma mater, my church and I volunteer. Stop complaining and do your part to make it better.

7. In my business there is a tax ID, five years of forecasting and revenues. Let's be real, all of us can't be in the music industry, fashion industry or be stylist. By the way, mannequin shopping at H&M does not make you a stylist, nor do un-trademarked names on business cards or on websites.

8. Rockin timbs, a fitted and a hoody validates nothing. Being grown and sexy means embracing what feels right to you – not what you think will appeal to the masses.

9. I still like to sag my shit a little bit, but if I lift my shirt all the way, you shouldn't be able to see any skin between my drawers and my belt loop. My dude, come on now.

10. If I bump against you in the club or vice versa, one of us should apologize and the other should accept it. Either that, or just swing. Who has time for the back and forth cattiness.

11. "Balllin'" isn't defined by being able to pay a little extra for conveniences like table service. E. Stanley “just got a $200M severance package” O’Neal is a baller – not you and me sir.

12. Moet popping at the club – no sir. I have never seen the need to pay triple the liquor store cost to do something that was once hot in a Jay-Z video. Give me a bottle of Bollinger's La Grande Annee – and by the way, I’m drinking that shit off the small of your back.

Ok... one last one... smart... well informed... articulate – always, always makes for grown and sexy.

How Did We Get Here

Over the past couple of weeks I have been in dialogue about a few different things. At the root of all this talk and discussion has been the state of the black community, and exactly how we have arrived at this place. I think that somewhere along the road, we allowed others to take a more active role than we were willing to take. On many occasions I have sat and listen to my elders reflect on pre-integration. There was a greater sense of cohesiveness that existed within our community. When young black men and women went away to be educated, they returned to their communities to educate another crop of young black minds. Despite the lack of adequate resources, there was a heighten quality of education that was delivered because the teachers had a vested interest in seeing the students succeed. There was a spirit of camaraderie that existed between parents and teachers, as they were neighbors, fellow church congregants and friends. A child’s “progress report” could be given at anytime. To that same point, the spirit of entrepreneurship thrived because there had to be a black tailor and a black grocery store and a black dentist. These people also lived in the same community, went to the same church and they knew all of the young people within their community. They were visible, and it wasn’t so far fetched to achieve. What integration did was allow for us to depend on each other less and on the "white majority" more. The black dentist and the black tailor became less visible as communities melted together and as a result young black people saw less and less black "working professionals." So now, those images have now been replaced by what's on TV or the radio or the internet, and these are the things that young black people ascribe to.